May 29th 2009

A new ‘thinking’ search engine is coming to the internet which geeks say will offer a big challenge to Google, Yahoo, Microsoft and the fledging Wolfram Alpha.

Microsoft has recently unveiled ‘Bing’ which will soon replace Live Search and offer more “relevant” results. Google has revealed new tools which will use “semantic web technology to leverage the underlying data” whatever that means. And the all new Wolfram Alpha offers a huge database and a ‘thinking’ search engine to look for truly relevant responses to a query before telling you it can’t understand what you mean by ‘porn’. The theme that runs through all of these new services is the evolution of the search engine into something that seemingly instinctively provides what you actually want rather than having to sift through lots of irrelevant information.

Enter Rood Search. Named after its designer and creator Professor Don B. Rood from Skopje Technical Institute in the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia Rood Search is a search engine with artificial intelligence – and personality. Professor Rood tells us “I wanted to go a step further than other searches currently do. Rood search is intelligent and provides instinctive results rather than just trawling through text on web sites for matches. In addition to that Rood Search has developed its only personality and will converse with you. Rood Search will be a friend and companion to many lonely, sad, pathetic, socially inept, emotionally retarded spazwits. There’s lots of them out there.”

Professor Rood encouraged us to try the beta version of the engine although he did warn us “It’s still in its infancy and will need a lot of polishing before any sort of public release.” Stinky Ponky began by typing in ‘porn’. The engine quickly returned a string of fairly predictable result but in a pop up window it asked;

“Planning a bit of a wank?”

“It can be a bit cheeky sometimes” laughed Professor Rood. “There are still bugs to iron from the system you see. Go again.” Stinky Ponky continued by typing ‘Stinky Ponky’ however the results remained the same.

“It’s the same for two reasons.” Rood Search popped up. “Firstly, you’re still thinking about porn, aren’t you? And secondly, your web site is wank, so it’s all connected.”

“Once more,” encouraged the Professor, a little nervously. This time we entered ‘What time is it in San Francisco?’ Rood Search returned with “Wank, wank, wankety wank. WANKETY, WANKETY, WANK, WANK, WANK YOU WANKER.”

Work continues.