Deiter Von Watt was just one victim of the Internet Explorer security vulnerability. He told Stinky Ponky "I was looking at pictures of lovely kittens on the internet when all of a sudden Internet Explorer made me watch a man and a woman in a barn who had inexplicably lost their clothes while doing some farming and started to have sex in a tangled, writhing mass of hot, oily limbs, um, for nearly an hour.

 

"I was just going to fetch my wife to tell her about the whole disgraceful incident, that was totally unexpected, when she came into the room. Unfortunately I accidentally closed Internet Explorer at that point as I had tripped over my trousers which I had lowered as my legs were hot. After a short investigation however my wife discovered that Internet Explorer had already deposited almost 70 films onto the computer. We watched in horror as terrible actors decided that the best thing they could do was forget about fixing the photocopier by traditional methods and see if having a shag on top of it might do the job.

 

"For some reason my wife was somewhat sceptical that Internet Explorer was to blame, but she spoke with other women in the street who had similar experiences - and then all the men said that Internet Explorer was often downloading pictures of women smeared with chocolate having sex with dwarves on a rodeo bull while dressed in tight, lycra outfits with strategically placed holes."

 

Following the lead of Germany, the French government is also advising web users to find an alternative web browser. Davide De Watt also had problems with the program, which - completely out of the blue - showed him a film of two young women who were saving water by showering together and cleaning each other with their tongues, especially the really dirty bits. Davide told us "Internet Explorer has placed no end of filthy smut on my computer, and also placed several DVDs on the shelf in my bedroom, and a vibrating rubber fist in my sock drawer. And what's more you can't get rid of it once it's on your computer. Just delete it? It's not that simple, is it? No, trust me. I don't want to cause further problems now."

 

A spokesmen for Microsoft said "I'm a PC, and lesbian mud wrestling was my idea."