Father Dave Watt told us "You know what kids are like nowadays the little wags, they'll be clicking away on this panic button all of the time, thinking it's hilarious. My fear is that people from all walks of life may find themselves being investigated by the Police again after some perfectly innocent and explainable incident involving nude altar boys, vodka and Gary Glitter's Greatest Hits. 

"The little c.. comedians are already at it, bless their little eternal souls. They occasionally make joke phone calls to their friends and parents, or the Police or Childline, pretending to cry and telling all sorts of completely fictional stories that they are definitely making up for a joke and do not mean in any way, shape or form. So, really speaking there's absolutely no need to put this button on everyone's Facebook profile is basically what I'm saying, basically. It would be silly. Wouldn't it be silly? Yes, it would.

"Perhaps if it's got to go on there it would be sensible to have a few exemptions, such as trusted Police officers and teachers, and say... oooo... I don't know, maybe Catholic Priests or something. I mean, if that would make things expensive for Facebook we could always help out with a bit of cash in used £20 notes that we don't really have to tell anyone about, you know, if Facebook are a bit shy or something."

When Stinky Ponky spoke to the usual Vatican spokespriest he told us "I am having the shittest month you know. Really, really shitty. In fact, if you took my knob, placed it in an open bible - St. James hardback version - and then slammed the damn thing hard, it still wouldn't make my month any worse. You may as well do that in fact, because I think I'm the only Catholic Priest who is not introducing choirboys to his knob at the moment. I stick to nuns. Literally sometimes."

Facebook spokesman Barry Tone, 14, told Stinky Ponky "To be honest, we already have a version of the panic button in the top right corner of the page, with a cross in it. And anyway, if the priests are that bothered maybe they should stay away from Facebook entirely."

In reaction Father Dave Watt said "Don't be ridiculous. That would ruin my sex life."