The incident took place earlier yesterday in Manchester city centre as shoppers and locals went about their usual daily routine of desperately trying to forget that they had anything at all to do with Liam Gallagher. Although many of the players insisted they were officially celebrating the end of the season officers ignored this on the basis of how wank the team had been on Saturday, and tazered Rooney in the love-sausage again to be on the safe side.

Stinky Ponky travelled to Surrey to speak with Manchester United fans. James Hetheringshaw-Smatterton-Wittersly-Smythe, a Stock Broker from Guildford and lifelong supporter since the treble in 1999, told us "I sincerely doubt this was any sort of official celebration, regardless of what the footballing monkey claims. For a start, why on earth hold it in Manchester?! Instead of making these outrageous claims he should concentrate on letting his feet do the talking, and piss off."

Back in Manchester, outside The Arndale Denial Of Liam Centre, we spoke to Dave Watt, an unemployed Shoplifter from Didsbury who was returning from his fourth appearance on the Jeremy Kyle Show. He said "I couldn't give a toss what they're doing. Coming from Manchester, I'm a City fan. I'm still hung over from Saturday night, and I feel a bit hoarse after cheering when Messi scored. And I think you'll find Liam Gallagher is from Liverpool."

Mary Jones, a 72 year old retired primary school teacher told us "I can understand a few merry japes if the boys have done well at the football, even though I'm too old for all that malarkey myself. These are hard times and so I can see why the boys would want to blow off some steam. Oh, I say, that poor little ugly one on the ground - I do believe a policeman has just electrocuted his unmentionables. What on earth has he done to deserve that?

"Is he the one that fucked Imogen?"