Federer is thought to have the edge over Murray heading into the final as he's Swiss and called Roger. He also has a great deal of experience when it comes to making people want to force their own eyes out with their thumbs to stop the pain. Many are tipping Murray for big things however, mainly due to the mind-numbingly dull post match interviews that he gives in a coma inducing monotone which has been known to cause dogs to just die.

 

In pre-game interviews Federer taunted Murray with some of the most uninteresting displays of fighting talk ever recorded. He warned Murray that he would be "under pressure to win," adding "It will not be easy. We'll see how it goes." One club official fell suddenly asleep while walking past, escaping with only minor cuts and abrasions. Murray in a completely unspectacular fashion, has surprised many by saying something so dull that no one can remember it.

 

Medical practitioners have issued warnings ahead of Sunday's yawn-off to try and avoid boredom induced injuries. Dr Dave Watt from the Skopje School of Thought in the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia told Stinky Ponky "If you find yourself in the position where you have to watch, firstly ensure that you're not alone, just in case anything happens. Make sure friends and neighbours know that you'll be watching and try to remain seated at all times. Switch off as soon as the tennis ends to avoid post match interviews. In emergencies try to imagine Sue Barker naked. Not pretty, but it should focus the mind.

 

"There are those who are completely susceptible to boredom. It's like hypnotism; some people are affected more than others. This may result in people talkingt to you about tennis on Monday in a sort of doped up, semi-catatonic state. If this is the case act fast; try and shock them out of it by throwing a hot beverage in their face or displaying your genitals. If the worst comes to the worst hit them as hard as you can in the face, preferably with short length of wood, or a fire extinguisher.

 

"If the problem persists push them out of a window, or if you're on the ground floor plug in a computer or kettle power cord, switch it on at the wall, and gently pop it in their mouth."