After Nelson Piquet Jr left the team allegations arose stating that he had been given the instruction to "have a good crash for fuck's sake, before I die of piss-boredom." Piquet, who trains extensively at home with his Scalextric, said to Stinky Ponky "I was told to hold down the trigger on my controller as I went into the bend so that my car would flip off the track in spectacular fashion. As I didn't fancy dying in a great big fireball I just held it down enough for my car to come to rest against the grey plastic barrier. They were hoping I would somersault for ages but over the years I've become very fond of living in a non-vegative state. They never forgave me and I was dropped from the team soon after."

 

Initially Piquet had claimed that the crash was caused by his attempts to avoid the other driver when they went through that criss-croos bit of the track where the cars swap sides. During the delay caused by someone getting up and slotting Piquet's car back into the metal groove Alonso secured first place. The crash was said to have been conveniently timed as Alonso had only just pitted in and had the little metal brushes on the bottom of his car changed, giving him a clear advantage over the rest of the pack.

 

The two highest figures in the Renault team, Managing Director Flavio Briatore and Executive Director of Engineering Pat Symonds have resigned - seemingly over allegations of crash-fixing. Although Symonds has declined to comment Briatore said "Come on, is boring, yes? They just go round and round and round and round. 61 times they go round that day. I say, 'is shit, crash the damn car.' Is all people watch for! Do highlights show the car going round and round and round? No, they show the car going over and over and over with the sparks and the bits flying off and the tyres rolling. People sit in their chairs and they go 'Ooo' and 'Ahh.' They... how you say it? They wince. And always there is one tyre that rolls away from the crash while the dust is in the air. And if one goes for a real big bounce, bounce, bounce - is fucking great!

 

"I give the public what they want, but they tell me now 'is not allowed,' they treat me like I am pissing in their hair. Well I tell you my friend, their hair - it is on fire. Sure, I piss on it. I piss to put it out.

 

"I PISS ON YOUR BURNING FUCKING HAIR! OK? Now, if you'll excuse me, my wife is an underwear model."