When the winner of this year's BBC Sports Personality was announced Mr Giggs smiled politely and said "Thank you" adding "This is a lovely silver trophy, thank you very much. I like trophies. My favourite trophies are pewter trophies but silver is nice too. I have one lovely brass trophy, which surprised me as I don't usually like brass trophies, but this brass trophy - the brass trophy that I like -  is a lovely brass trophy.

 

"But there's nothing quite like pewter. I've loved pewter since I was young and got my first lovely trophy, which was a pewter trophy. It was lovely. There's nothing quite like pewter trophies. Well, silver trophies are quite like pewter trophies but they're not exactly the same, which makes them different.

 

"Lovely. Thank you. Lovely"

 

The event was held at Sheffield arena and saw the largest gathering of Britain's dullest people dressed in grey to date, seating over 11,000 sports stars who would make you want to stick a fork into your own head after 20 minutes conversation. Casualties were lower than usual this year however, with only one fatality when armchair bound Doris Wainthrop, 87, died of acute boredom after losing the remote and being unable to change the channel.

 

As usual there were a number of complaints to Ofcom about the event, which was sponsored by knitting, but unexpected support came from Jonathon Ross, sparking rumours that he owns a train set. Mr Ross told Stinky Ponky "It's lovely. Weally, weally lovely.

 

"And Sue Barker still has cwacking tits."