Earlier today Tzofit told Stinky Ponky "This is all a silly misunderstanding. Yes, ok, Avram went into a brothel for a while, but the events that followed were perfectly innocent. He simply slipped on some massage oil, caught his jacket on a protruding nail - which caused all of his clothes to fall off - and then landed on a young Thai girl, who just happened to have forgotten to get dressed that morning, and accidentally had sex with her. All perfectly above board. And then he gave her some cash.

 

"Avram's just desperately unlucky with these things you see. Gosh, only last month he went to get some stamps from the post office and accidentally went to Amsterdam and took in a sex show before hiring a team of multicultural whores to eat ice cream off his genitals while dressed in the Chelsea strip - and he doesn't even work for Chelsea any more, the big silly! I mean, what chance does he really have with the British media when he has luck like that?

 

"For example, take the time - many, many years ago now - when I first introduced him to my parents. What would Fleet Street do with the knowledge that he accidentally walked in on my mum in the shower, slipped on a bar of soap, and took her roughly up the arse before being caught by my dad who, fortunately, saw the funny side. I'm not quite sure how they ended up spit roasting my mum but it must have been an accident. Dad must have slipped on something."

 

Stinky Ponky's Sports Reporter Ray Scarr said "So let me get this straight; Tzofit is telling us that Avram fancied a nice relaxing massage so he hopped into his car and went to an industrial estate to visit a masseuse in a cheap, seedy brothel who also happened to shag for money..."

 

"Come off it. If he wasn't fucked then neither are Portsmouth Football Club."