Stinky Ponky can exclusively reveal secret BNP plans to turn all teachers in the UK into Nazi zombies.

Our undercover reporter Andy Tover infiltrated a BNP meeting disguised as Herman Goering to discover that BNP leader Nick Griffin is targeting teachers. He intends to utilize their influence over the nation’s children in an attempt to create the ‘Griffin Youth.’ It’s believed that Government officials have already got wind of his evil plan however as they are discussing plans to ban all teachers from being BNP members.

The BNP has been foiled in previous attempts to control influential bodies after the ACPO banned police officers from being Nazi bigots in 2004.

Stinky Ponky’s afterlife expert, Dr Gloucester from the Skopje School of Hokum in the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia said “It’s well known that when Nazis die they come back as zombies. We believe the BNP intend to lure teachers in with free lunchtime drinks at the pub next to the school before brainwashing and ultimately killing them. Once under control the Nazi teachers will be used to influence tomorrow’s jobseekers to hate Johnny Foreigner.”

We spoke to Dennis Disswan, a supply teacher in Cardiff, who told us “The whole idea is doomed to fail. Me influence the kids? You’ve more chance of me farting the national anthem.”