The amount of people not caring about Mr Woods crashing his car in a not particularly spectacular style has even knocked 'anything that Katie frigging Price does' off the top spot of things people struggle to even acknowledge. The numbers are so low that researchers struggled to get people to care enough to answer the question about whether they cared or not.

 

Stinky Ponky spoke with Dave Watt, Head of Tedious Research at the Institute. He told us "We calculate how many people couldn't give a dog's arse about something by measuring it against the media coverage of the story. When there's lots of media interest but no one gives a nun's shaven cock-socket then the figures start to rise. Clearly not many could give a badger's ass about this story and yet the media keep wittering on and bloody on about it. Most people really couldn't give a shit, and in some cases they couldn't give two shits. There's even been one case in Derby of someone not giving three shits.

 

"That said I'm amazed it's topped Katie Price, because her botox bloated mush is never out of the tossing tabloids lately - or off I.T. cacking V - and I don't know anyone who could give an old orangutan's wrinkly ginger penis about her. Ok, so Mr Woods seems to have found a 19th and 20th hole if certain cocktail waitresses are to be believed, but even taking that into account it...

 

"Oh fuck it. I can't even be arsed talking about it any more."