An online survey shows that more than half of the UK's teachers have taken the time to fill in an online survey while they were meant to be teaching your kids.

 

Teachers say that ridiculous Health and Safety restrictions, such as kids having to wear full chain mail to put up a poster, have made it virtually impossible to teach. Many are suggesting that teenagers are leaving school unprepared to deal with the real world. As a result a number of reforms have been made to the education system.

 

Stinky Ponky visited Sunley College of Sports and Technology in Shropshire to find out what difference the changes have made to the staff. We were greeted by some very happy teachers, many of whom were chasing pupils with sticks.

 

"It's time to toughen them up," said Geography teacher Dave Watt "For too long now we've been scared to even think about going near pupils for fear of being accused of something. As soon as I was told of the changes I punched Darren White from 10TG in the stomach. When his mum rang up for a moan I told her to shut her fat mouth. When I catch up with Britney Smith I'm going to slam her empty little head in the nearest door. IT'S PAYBACK TIME FOR ALL YOU LITTLE FUCKERS!"

 

"The reforms have come at a good time," said Headteacher Charles Manson. "We're short of funds and need new furniture. As there have always been a number of kids that we're completely wasting our time on, we use the remedial children as seats. There's also a big fat kid in year 11, who's name I can't be bothered to remember right now, who makes a brilliant trampoline."