May 27th 2009

In order to protect their identity and secure new custom in the wake of recent public outrage a number of high street banks have been forced to change their names.

Santander has announced what it refers to as a “dynamic business strategy” to encourage people to use the group of banks and building societies that it owns. Critics have suggested that it’s nothing more than an evil plan to lure in the unwary. Their reasoning for this is down to the choice of new titles. The name ‘Abbey’ has now been changed to ‘Willie Wonka’s Happy Sweetie Shop’ while Alliance and Leicester becomes ‘Really Nice Things for Lovely, Lovely People’ and Bradford and Bingley will be known as ‘Oh My God It’s So Beautiful In Here That The Staff Have To Change Their Underwear Eight Times A Day and Bingley’.

Stinky Ponky asked members of the public on the streets of Huddersfield for their opinions on the name changes.

“Gosh, I’d never have thought it!” said Gladys Overan-Dunwith, a retired badger plucker “That’s sounds really nice!! They can look after my money from now on!!!”

Annette Kirton, a solicitor, had a different view however. “They can call themselves whatever they like. What I need to know before I let them look after my money is that they’re not – when it gets right down to it – absolutely frigging useless.”

Dave D. Davidson, a navy plumber told us “No thanks. My banks already got a solid, no nonsense name so I don’t think I’ll be changing my account to one of these namby pamby banks. I’ll stick with Northern Rock thank you very much.”

We believe that the alterations come in response to the Royal Bank of Scotland changing it’s name earlier this week to ‘Old Freddy Goodwin’s House of Loud, Loud Laughter.’