May 28th 2009

Baroness Thatcher and Pope German Bloke XVI met for a brief, confused conversation in St Peter’s Square about how much better things were in the good old days, possibly, I can't remember.

Thatcher, who was in Rome to watch the Champions League final, introduced the Holy See to her deceased husband three times while the Pontiff grew increasingly agitated by his inability to see the late Dennis. He was heard to say "I don't understand. Where is this man, Mrs Churchill?" but Thatcher only had eyes for his lovely red hat.

In related news, elsewhere in Rome, after suffering a 2-0 defeat to Barcelona last night Alex Ferguson revealed his team had found it “difficult to concentrate for fear of being stabbed in the arse.” Roman officials dismissed this excuse saying that the locals had kept the stabbing down to "just one - and that was in the leg."

Mr Pope, realising that Baroness Thatcher was a United fan, later tried to excommunicate her, despite her methodist background. Finally he dealt with her in the traditional manner by stabbing her in the arse. One eye witness reports that he yelled "Take that Mrs Mandela!" before she flattened him with her handbag screaming "I HAVE CHEEKS OF SOLID, BRITISH IRON - LIE DOWN, BITCH!"