"I don't know how it happened," said Mr Straw yesterday. "We thought they were all safely tucked up in their bunks but when some of the warders went down to see if anyone wanted refreshments there were a few people missing. That was last week but we didn't worry too much at the time as Dave "Face-breaker" Jones, a convicted serial arsonist and an avid Antiques Roadshow fan had left a brief note saying 'Jus poping to shops bak in a bit luv dave xxx'.

 

"It shouldn't be too hard to track them down as the little tykes just can't help themselves. There's already been a few dead giveaways. Literally as it happens."

 

Prison warder Keith Turner told us "We just didn't expect this. Last time we saw them they were all happily watching re-runs of Last of the Summer Wine. They were enjoying a lovely summers day too. We opened the door for them to let some air through 'cos it get's so stuffy in there.

 

"I hope they won't be gone much longer because Billy "Strangler" Marston must have forgotten he still has my car keys, the silly sod. Not that it matters much at the moment 'cos some bugger's nicked it anyway! Talk about a bad week."