Millions of people nationwide have been affected by recent strike action which has caused short delays in receiving demands for money from massive, faceless, multinational organisations, and a postcard from Aunty Betty who went to Ilfracombe  and is old enough to still send postcards.

 

Postal worker Dave Watt told Stinky Ponky "Cats are not our only demand, and to be quite honest the cats aren't a deal breaker for me. I want more pay for less hours with more holiday and full sick pay with longer break times. Dave in sorting wants that too, but he's also asked for a telly in the loo, and Janice has asked for a new kettle in the canteen and a box of posh biscuits. She also wants a subscription to Heat magazine.

 

"We're all a bit worried about Mick who's told everyone that 'we have to take it to the next step if we want to get anything from the bastards.' He's always reading old copies of Guns and Ammo and he's got himself all done up like Rambo, although Tony confiscated his crossbow. He's taken himself hostage, because none of us would let him take us hostage, and he's locked himself in the loo. He says to tell them that unless they meet his demands he'll post himself back to them a bit at a time, but there's a couple of problems with that. Firstly he hasn't made any demands, and secondly we're on strike so we won't be able to post his bits."

 

Stinky Ponky spoke with Royal Mail executive Edward Edward-Edwards who told us "We are very pleased to say that we have decided to accept all of the workers demands, because at the end of the day they're people, really lovely people, and it's more important to us that they're happy bunnies and that the post gets to our customers in good time.

 

"Just kidding! Fuck 'em."