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POPE'S BROTHER USED TO BEAT UP CHILDREN
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March 10th 2010 Pope German Bloke XVI's brother Dave German Bloke has admitted that during his days as a school teacher he would often beat several small children to death a day - 'for their own good.'  Dave told a German newspaper "Everybody's so touchy about a bit of harmless beating nowadays. When I went to Catholic boarding school as a child we would be woken at 5am by a heavy blow to the genitals before being lined up naked outside the dormitory to be drenched in icy water and have our heads smacked off the wall. It never did me any lasting harm, except for the occasional headache that makes me scream for God's merciful release from the searing agony before passing out from the pain, but that's no more than once a day. "At school we would be beaten unconcious several times a week, but that was good, it made me into a man. Too much attention is being focused on good old fashioned mindless, gratuitous violence. It's all part of a healthy, natural boyhood, like conkers, ginger beer and anal sex. And it's no new thing either; Jesus was fond of teaching parables to young children and then smacking them in the face with a piece of wood to drive the lesson home. Consider the testament of Saint Angreevsey from the Book of Dave, Chapter 11, verses 9 to 12;
"'9: And Jesus did speak with the child Justin, aged 8 from Bethlehem. 10: And he did say "The good sheep remains with the flock, where ever it may be that the shepherd doth lead them." 11: And then Jesus did punch Justin in the face and say "Have you fucking got that, you pathetic little shit?" 12: And Justin did cry, and Jesus screamed for the voices to stop.'
"We must have faith in our Our Lord to watch over us while we put the boot in. He has a great and noble plan and if at the end of it we've been a bit naughty a few Hail Marys will make it all better, just you see. And all those wishy washy liberals will burn in a pit of flaming dog shit for all eternity.
A spokesman for the Vatican said "Well that's just fucking dandy, isn't it? I'm up to my neck in allegations of poofter priests and just when you think it couldn't get any worse, that daft old bastard goes and sticks his dick in the pudding. We may as well take a bus full of cardinals to Thailand, fill them with vodka jelly and pop them all into a ladyboy each before inviting the press in to take photos. Look, he's old and senile and doesn't know what he's talking about, ok? Take no notice of him.
"Especially if he tells you anything about doing Mother Theresa up the arse."
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