Authorities in New Zealand are preparing themselves for the arrival of thousands of parents from across the globe who have come to give their children a damn good smack.

Lovely Boobies

Smacking your kids in New Zealand still remains illegal. The expected influx of moms and dads stems from the fact that a recent referendum showed that 90% of voters were in favour of giving their kids the occasional kicking. This has led to speculation that the law may soon change.

Stinky Ponky spoke with Bob and Sandra Bacon, who plan to visit New Zealand next month with their blissfully unaware children, Mary and Joseph.

"It's a beautiful country," said Bob. "One of the last untouched places on the planet. The wildlife is meant to be amazing too. And the second Joe gives me any fucking lip I will twat him."

It's A Type Of Bird, You Pervert

Some entrepreneurs in Hobart are looking for ways to take advantage of the expected influx of smack happy parents. Dick Appatate runs a shop sepcializing in badger whistles, but he's begun stocking some new items. Stinky Ponky went to talk to him about his expectations for new trade.

If the little devils can't get to sleep at night we can help by beating them unconcious

"Well, we have your basic range of canes and whips here, as well as some leather smacking items that I just happened to have a source for. There is also my new range of after smack lotions, good for both hands and arses alike. I actually have a load of replica weaponary out the back that I acquired when Peter Jackson was filming Lord of the Rings but Doris said that was taking it too far.

"In fact, if you want to get to the root of all of this look no further than Lord of the Rings. Smacking the little ones would never have been banned in the first place if it hadn't been for an unfortunate incident with a short sighted dad, a leather belt and a hobbit.

"I'm all for smacking to be honest. My dad used to regularly beat me until I could hardly breathe and it never did me any harm aside from a few broken bones, a fractured skull and a lingering tendency to get blindingly drunk and kick the living shit out of women and children, but Jesus helps me with that. Not the kicking! I mean he helps me feel ok about it afterwards."