James, who was sitting next to a person who he was unable to confirm as his father for legal reasons, apologised again before adding "Er, er, er, er, er, um, er, um, so yes. Or no. probably maybe. Sorry about the, the, the, the, the hacking. All the same, it wasn't our fault. It was basically the fault of other people, because when you're in charge, but properly in charge with loads and loads of other people that work for you, they're always to blame. It's disappointing."

In response to a question about how their advisors had prepared the Murdochs for the interview with the select committee, James Murdoch said: "They advised me to simply tell the... Er, to tell the... Oooo, hang on, I know this one. Just give me a second. Begins with T. It means, well, it basically means not lying. Like, the opposite of lying. In a way I suppose they said not to tell lies, only they had a word for it. Begins with T. Carry on, it'll come to me if I don't think about it"

MPs grilled the Murdochs for over two hours after first coating them in a lovely stilton rarebit that Tom Watson had seen on Masterchef last week. Proceedings were briefly interrupted when 'comedian' Jonnie Marbles added some light entertainment in the form of a plate full of shaving foam which he attempted to apply to Rupert Murdoch's face in what has proved a hugely successful bid to boost his twitter following.

Head of Security Dave Watt, who we eventually found in the pub over the road playing darts with Rebekah Brooks prior to her appearance before the committee, told Stinky Ponky: "Oh, I suppose everyone will kick off about this now. I didn't think it was worth worrying about what with Murdoch's wife there. She is fucking deadly. They say she once slapped a man to death in Sydney for squirting her husband with a fake flower on his lapel.

"Here's food for thought though; if you can get in there with a plate full of shaving foam, you can get in there with a plate full of dog shit. I'm just saying."