May 24th 2009

Church goers in Aberdeen are reeling from the shock of discovering that the man who stands at the front in a dress is gay.

"It's against everything that the bible tells us." Gerry Granger, staunch Christain, told Stinky Ponky inaccurately. "If God had wanted men to sleep with other men he'd have made half of the men women, which is exactly what he did. I'm amazed the minister didn't spontaneously combust the second he set foot in our church. Ask him to tell us about Sodom and Gomorrah. Go on, ask him!"

We spoke with supporters of the Reverend Scott Rennie about the uproar. "There's nothing in the bible against it, despite what people keep saying," Richard Lover, a Christain gay rights campaigner told Stinky Ponky. "There's more evidence to suggest the opposite in fact. Judas kissing Christ in a park at night? Let's just say I don't think it was only the Romans that nailed Jesus. I hear Richard Curtis is already penning a new series with a gay Vicar of Dibley to be played by Julian Clary.

"We've had vicars with tits, what's wrong with vicars with dicks?

"I'm not sure who's more bothered. The Christains for having a gay minister or the gays for being linked with Christianity."

Gerry, an ardent lover of musicals tells us; "There's a lot of tosh about us being intolerant of the cassock lifter. We're being accused of going against the Christian spirit of human kindness but I'm afraid everytime I see Reverend Rennie I can't help but think of him in stockings and suspenders. High heels too. Black stilettos. Fishnets."

Stinky Ponky asked how Gerry would have felt had he been injured and his good Samaritan had been gay; he replied; "I would have thanked him for his help and asked him not to touch my penis."