Dr Richard Pike, an expert on Interstellar Warp Drive technology, told Stinky Ponky "When the government is looking for ways in which to reduce public spending in education it need look no further than Mickey Mouse Studies. In the current financial climate experts on talking mice are a frivolous luxury. Mark my words, in years to come when your ship runs out of dilithium crystals and you're looking for someone to source them, the chap with the squeaky voice and the yellow dog is going to be piss all use to you.

"Only today business secretary Peter Mandelson said that university academics are 'set in aspic' - but no one knows what the fuck he's on about. Do you know why? Because of an education system with an unhealthy emphasis upon a certain fictional rodent. Actually, I don't know what the fuck he's on about either, but he's almost certain to have an important point. He's a Lord you know.

"And just for the record I have never said that I find Minie Mouse oddly attractive at any time while I've been sober."

Professor Huey Duck from the Skopje University of Disney in the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia had a different view on the matter. He told us "My uncle was a close friend of Michael Mouse and spent a great deal of time with him at his Clubhouse. Uncle Donald was shocked and saddened after Michael passed away last year. I hope that whoever baited that trap is brought to justice soon.

"Here at the UoD we teach a number of courses related to Michael. You can now take a Masters degree in Mickey Mouse Studies, an HND in 

In reaction Dr Dick Pike said "Look, when The Borg come to assimilate you, or Romulans shoot your grandmother's tit's off, don't come crying to me about it. What do you think a rampaging Klingon warrior would do if he found you with no defence but a pair of black cardboard ears? He would kill you. Even if you were wearing a fetching little red dress with white dots on and a pair of big yellow shoes.

"Ooo. Excuse me a moment."