"There's been much speculation that it's Henry," says Michael Deesac, Professor of Theology at Skopje University in the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia. "Sadly, Biblical knowledge is sadly lacking in Britain these days and that's sad. It's really, really sad. It's a great story and I'm sure everyone would love it. And they'd find out that the H stands for Harry."

 

The survey reveals that only one in twenty Brits can list all ten commandments, with only 16% able to recite all three of the Unforgivable Curses. Most were unaware that Jesus could be readily identified by the lightning shaped scar on his forehead which he received as a child when attacked by Lucifer in the form of a snake. More than half of under 45s were unable to accurately remember the lyrics to Tom Jones Delilah and a third could not recall all the events of the Triwizard Tournament.

 

One respondent thought that Dobby ran a garden centre and that Hogwart's headmaster was actually Gandalf. Several others thought that Azkaban was an Eastern European country with a crap football team, who England could still only ever manage to beat 1-0. Most disturbing of all perhaps was the respondent who firmly believed that the Bible was a true story.

 

Back at Skopje University Michael told us "The sad thing is that sadly people just don't seem to care, and I find that sad. It's a sad indictment of our sad society, sadly." Michael looked very sad.

 

Bishop Stortford of Hogsmeade told Stinky Ponky "I blame Mel Gibson. Passion of the Christ was ok, but he went too far when he did Passion of the Christ II: Jesus Strikes Back."