The 'Heatwave' is familiar to some Brits who have visited exotic holiday destinations such as Benidorm and Torremelinos but many have never experienced it before, especially those from the North, and are paying for their ignorance. Doctors across the country have been struggling to cope with the influx of jobseekers reporting that their heads and armpits are leaking.

 

In an attempt to calm the public the Department of Health has stopped fiddling with pigs for a bit to give some advice taken from colleagues in Australia, a country well known for being too hot to do anything more than drink lager. The 'Heatwave' Plan 2009 gives advice such as 'leave your fridge and freezer doors open', 'dig a hole roughly 30 feet deep to hide in' and 'if you have your heating on, turn it off'.

 

Stinky Ponky took to the streets of Edinburgh to see how the public have coped with the 'Heatwave'.

 

Mary Marey, a retired fish plucker and avid Dukes of Hazzard fan told us "My nephew has been severly injured by the bright object we've been seeing overhead recently. Now we're being told that it's called a 'Sun' and the blue part is a 'Sky' and that they usually live above the clouds. He stood in full view of the 'Sun' for a long time, staring at it in wonder. In punishment the 'Sun', which apparently doesn't like being looked at directly, turned him bright red! Now he's started to disintegrate - his skin is falling off."

 

The 'Heatwave' is also causing concerns further south. Although many people on the south coast of England remember the 'Sun' from the summer of 1975 it's believed there is a severe shortage of burgers and charcoal. Government officials are worried that the clouds may not return until the end of August in time for the bank holiday weekend.

 

Doctor 'Doc' McDocterson from the Skopje Institue of Health, Wealth and Happiness in the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia told us "It's becoming a real concern. If the 'Heatwave' continues for much longer we face the very real possibility that the elderly will remove their coats."