This latest embarrassment follows much criticism of the supplies, or the lack of them, sent to the armed forces in Helmand Province in recent months. Earlier errors have resulted in troops receiving 480 brand new assault trifles, 17 Merlin helicopters in 1:72 scale manufactured by Airfix and 1,476 left boots supplied by Ebay user SAS6969 who later advised that SAS stood for 'sold as seen' as far as he was concerned.

 

Dave Watt of the 2 Rifles told Stinky Ponky "It's been a bit touch and go on occasion. The locals have been very good, with one young lad even lending me a really big stick, but I'm not trained to use a stick, so it makes life difficult.

 

"We've also been trying to work out how to use a load of muskets that arrived last Wednesday which were apparently ordered during the Crimean war, but we can't get our heads round the things. My mate Jim says they're really powerful if you can get them working. His grandad used to have one that he was allowed to play with up until he was six when he blew the dog through the wall.

 

"I'm relieved that we're going to get proper rifles because throwing bullets at the enemy hasn't been quite as deadly as we hoped. When the guns come we still get to keep the gnus, and to be honest I'm quite pleased. I called mine Eric and trained him to be an attack gnu by showing him a picture of the Taliban then flicking his cock with a ruler. He's already killed seven and severely chewed another three.

 

"Combine all of that with a rifle and we're in fucking business matey. Saddam better watch out."