Michael, who was on his way to warn a secret colony of pigmy giraffes that dinosaurs had escaped from his underpants, was said to be visibly shaken when police appeared at the scene. He explained to them that he had not been drinking in a very loud voice as their ears were floating away. Officers then shepherded the somewhat bewildered former Wham! star into a waiting pumpkin to take him to the station.

Stinky Ponky spoke to Dave Watt, the owner of Snappy Snaps, the shop that Michael collided with. He told us "It's all a bit of a mystery to be honest. We've never noticed the shop becoming invisible and moving into the middle of of the road before, but apparently it must have. In fact, up until now I've always thought that it was a great big bright yellow building with a tendency to stay very still. On top of that his space ship looked just like a Range Rover to me, and I thought dinosaurs were extinct. I feel proper stupid."

This is not the first time that Michael has been involved in investigations focused upon his driving skills. After flying in from LA on the happiest giant salmon in the world last year, Michael was involved in a collision with the letter H, which was later described by police as a 'lorry,' while on a magical journey through the alphabet. Michael has also been at odds with the law on a number of other occasions for some more seedy offences.

Three years ago Michael was overheard making suggestive comments to another man on Hampstead Heath. He was later arrested and charged with careless whispering.