Mr John was speaking exclusively to GWWW's Lifestyle Editor Dave Watt. Stinky Ponky caught up with Dave while he was shopping in Puff Rugs. He told us "It was all quite exciting really. Elton was of course referring to the newly translated passages from the recently rediscovered Gospel According to St. Bernard,which were unearthed by a farmer in Egypt who was digging a hole to shit in.

"Elty - I call him Elty now - Elty talked of the early passages where Jesus and John were pissed on all the wine that Jesus kept making because it was such a cracking trick and, well, one thing led to another and he ended up giving John a quick wank. If Bernard is to be believed, that was just the start of it. Jesus went on to become a right old robe lifter, buggering his way across the entire district of Galilee."

Stinky Ponky managed to speak to Mr John at a book signing. We asked him about Jesus being gay. He told us "All I'll say is that when the Romans crucified him with the thieves on Calvary it wasn't the first time he found himself between a couple of bad boys getting nailed. There was many a night in the wilderness when you'd find Jesus and his disciples all naked in a line with Judas at the front shouting 'form a circle!'

"And if you think he was a disappointment to his dear old dad think again matey; Jehovah was the chief sausage fairy. He liked nothing more than tickling balls with his beard. In fact, let's face it... John the Baptist was clearly bi, Mary Magdelene was a he/she and Joseph fucked goats. Boy goats.

"And the Virgin Mary was actually a TV called Derek. He was only a virgin if you don't count anal."