Local authorities are bracing themselves for much tighter budgets in the upcoming financial year, which may mean they will only be able to fund two workmen to stand with their hands in their pockets watching a third bloke shovelling.

Stinky Ponky spoke with Dave Watt from Kirklees Council who told us "Currently, to get road works done properly it takes 6 men in three vans four weeks to supervise the work experience kid while he's moving a bit of dirt around for ten minutes in between tea breaks. We might have to cut that right back to three men in one van. In fact, the way it's going, we probably won't even be able to afford the bloke with the shovel for much longer. We may be reduced to having two men in fluorescent yellow jackets standing with their hands in their pockets and staring at the road sign which has a picture of a man shovelling on it.

"You have to realise we have a lot of specialist workmen in the council. You have to work your way up to being one of the blokes with his hands in his pockets. There are years of pushing a cart around the town centre and picking up crap with some pincers on a stick while local kids rip the piss out of you. And then there's the courses to think about; street pissing, looking fucking stupid when asked a question by the general public, and emergency lack of tea procedures. You don't replace that type of experience overnight you know, it takes days.

"We may even have to let go of Derek - who's spent 25 years as a professional stop/go man - and replace him with some bloody traffic lights. What is the world coming to? And of course it will be me who has to shoot him. I mean fire him. I always get those two mixed up."

Prime Minister Gordon Brown, texture like sun, has stated that under Labour, funding for local authorities has increased dramatically in every way except really. In response, the Conservatives have said that they would freeze pay for public sector workers with salaries greater than £18,000 to show that they can think of fuck all too.

"We have to be realistic of course. The second I even ask to speak to the workforce they will go on strike, so it's probably much wiser for us to just let them carry on and remove some non-essential services, like libraries, leisure centres, listed buildings and litter. Anything beginning with 'L' in fact because the 'L' key is broken on my keyboard. Now if you'll excuse me I have a meeting to discuss the meeting we're having to discuss the meeting we'll have to have about this.

"And then it's back to the office to do a bit of work. Only joking! You should have seen your face."