Professor Dave Watt, who lead the research, told Stinky Ponky "Although cocaine was responsible for nearly 7 deaths in the UK last year, when compared to the violence and depression caused by Loose Women it's difficult to see how cocaine could possibly be worse. There are also some distinct benefits to cocaine, like the possibilty that it may eventually kill Liam Gallagher."

Stinky Ponky talked with some of the people who had suffered at the hands of daytime television.

In Ipswich, one anonymous victim told us "The recession cost me more than my job. It cost me my sanity. I would watch Homes Under the Hammer and actually feel my IQ falling away. It got so bad that I seriously considered moving to Australia, which is the only place in the world not to have daytime TV, due to the fact that it's the middle of the night there during the day."

Another Unemployed from Aberdeen told us "I watched GMTV, Jeremy Kyle and This Morning back to back, picked up my elderly mother and threw her into the television set in a fit of white hot rage. Fortunately no major harm was done. Just a few scratches on the top of the DVD player."

In Maidstone, Kent, Barry Tone runs a rehabilitation centre for those suffering from the effects of daytime TV. He told us "People underestimate just how dangerous daytime TV can be. Last year 132 people were found to have died from Countdown, and a whopping 3,467 sustained injuries, some severe, while trying to get into their TV set to strangle Jeremy Kyle. I also understand that they've now started showing back to back repeats of House Doctor on Channel 5 now, so we're expecting some serious casualties in the coming months.

"I myself suffered at the hands of Bargain Hunt for many years, and it was such a long, hard road to recovery that I decided to open this centre in order to help others who are recovering from this debilitating disease. I'm healthy and happy now - fully recovered.

"But I could not personally risk watching another episode of Bargain Hunt. It's entirely possible that I would have to hunt down David Dickinson and drown him in a bag. I can't go back to being that person again.

"I'd rather put my manhood in a Gorilla's hand and flick its balls with a riding crop."