The 'Hot Cross Bun' - the original creator of which was allegedly crucified for the design; dying for his buns - has caused outrage amongst parents of young children who feel that subliminal yummy, curranty bread products are being used to subvert their offspring into dull, Cliff Richard filled lives with more than a hint of Sue Barker. Government officials have condemned the Bunnists as 'worse than Hitler' and vowed to deal with them firmly. A team of highly trained lions has been drafted in from Mozambique to help flush out any remaining subversive bakers.

Supermarket chains have been forced to remove the buns, which are delightful when toasted, and the branch of Gregg's in Reigate where the first buns were discovered by council officials has been burnt to the ground, without even removing the chavs who were buying sausage rolls with their giros according to some reports. Gregg's released a statement saying "We do not condone the sale of Hot Cross Buns at any of our shops, mainly because they contain fruit, which would disagree with the stomachs of our customers who think that 'five a day' is the amount of Burberry items that you are meant to wear. Also, this Hot Cross thing is obviously a bit of a bastard."

Reigate Council Spokesman Dave Watt told Stinky Ponky "A number of sneaky mind control buns were removed from the bakery for testing at council headquarters. We have discovered that when directly heated in any common household toasting object, such as a toaster, they give off a heavenly aroma, probably cinnamon, which makes you scoff them like buggery without even realising that you've just eaten a bit of Jesus. It's fucking sly is what it is.

"We have been conducting studies on these buns for nearly a decade now and have reached the conclusion that some pattern is forming. They seem to arrive at roughly the same time of year, they are priced very cheaply, often costing only one or two pence each, and most people tend to give them to their daughters or give them to their sons.

"And if you whack a bit of butter on, they're fucking magic."