Ofcom has suggested the changes would be the "most appropriate way of ensuring fair and effective competition." The proposal has been eagerly greeted by the likes of BT who would be keen to offer the channels through their TV service BT vision but Mr Darroch seemed less than keen. "Perhaps you'd like to give her one in the shitter while you're on?" he said, adding "Or is it me you'd prefer? Would you like me to be naked, blindfolded and bent over the dining room table or smeared in jam and ready to play dirty twister?

 

"Fancy my house keys? Have them, go on! Then have my job and have my secretary, I have her all the time, often over this desk, would you like this desk? It's mahogany and it's yours. You can change your name to Jeremy Darroch and then you've got my entire fucking life. Have it, you greasy shit-stick. In the meantime I will personally live behind your toilet popping out only to wipe your arse after you've shat.

 

"How does that sound?

 

"Perhaps when you're done with screwing the living crap out of me you can wipe your dick on my best suit before jumping in my Aston Martin and fucking off. Or you could just skip all the rest and go straight to the fucking off. Yes, that might be a better option come to think of it."