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BBC SEEK AGING DWARF HERMAPHRODITE TO READ NEWS
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September 25th 2009  BBC chiefs have announced that they intend to hire an ugly, multi-race, deformed, dwarf, gay hermaphrodite with learning difficulties and a speech impediment to read the news.
The move appears to be a reaction to suggestions which indicated that the BBC had an 'ageist' hiring policy after some old bint was kicked off a dancing show. When the BBC began looking for an older female news reader to counter this a number of other minority groups began to complain that Auntie Beeb was not fully representative of modern British society and was clearly discriminating like a bastard.
BBC spokesmidget Sarah-Dave Smith told Stinky Ponky "We are having difficulty finding a suitable reader for the news. Ideally we need a 6 foot asexual dwarf of mongol afro-caucasian descent who can read the news while signing it for deaf people with their prosthetic hands. The ideal candidate will have various forms of mental disability and most likely a glass eye. They will need to be dyslexic with a good reading ability and any number of nervous tics. Let's face it, they will probably be anorexic and as fat as fuck to boot.
"I can't see us filling this role any time soon." Up until now the BBC has adhered to a strict policy of hiring people who would be capable of the task at hand. Clearly this is not in tune with modern politics, and the BBC need to start reconsidering a hiring policy that viciously discriminates against those who would be no fucking good at the job. "We've started to rethink our policies," said Sarah-Dave. "We need to find some one suitable - by modern standards - of reading the news. Someone short, tall, fat, thin, black, white, yellow and - to cut a long story short - fucked up. "In the meantime the position will be temporarily filled by Stephen Hawking." |
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