ASBO REPLACED BY THE NAUGHTY CHAIR

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ASBO REPLACED BY THE NAUGHTY CHAIR	Follow Stinky Ponky: RSS Twitter Facebook To subscribe to the Weekly Ponkmail, please enter your email address:
February 7th 2011 The government has today revealed plans to scrap ASBOs and replace them with something that will really make naughty people think twice about mugging grannies, like confiscating their iPods, sending them to bed early and in extreme cases grounding them with no Facebook. This badger is nothing to do with the story. Stinky Ponky spoke with Dave Watt from the Special Organisation for Transitional Initiatives; Asbo Replacement Section about the changes. He said "Here at SpOTI ARSe we've been looking into the performance of ASBOs for a while now. Originally we were compiling a database of those who had received one but now we just tape Jeremy Kyle. We've discovered that ASBOs have two major issues; some offenders are proud of them, and wear them like a badge of honour, which probably isn't helped by the fact that they are actually given a rather fetching 'Check me - I've got an ASBO' badge after their statutory police beating. "But the other, more important problem is that the name is crap. I mean... ASBO?! It's sounds a bit like asbestos and a bit like lesbo, and a lot like 'wanky name thought up by some unqualified shit-sniffers.' Not many people realise that we have a specific government department that spends a stupid amount of tax payer's money coming up with names, but for some reason they weren't even consulted over the Anti-Social Behavior Order! The Department of General and Special High Interest Titles, or DoGSHIT, has been brilliant over the years; for example they gave us SAD to describe the imaginary 'Seasonal Affective Disorder' because people are 'sad' in the winter time... see? That's Shakespeare on a plate that is; these people are geniuses. "How about a freaky little badly behaved kid who fannies around in all his lessons and calls his teacher a skanky fuck-pocket, regardless of whether they are one or not? DoGSHIT proudly gave us Oppositional Defiant Disorder - ODD. Do you see what they did?! Teachers get to call the kid ODD! It must be hard not to shit yourself laughing in front of the kid's drug-fuddled subnormal monkey-parents! A-shagging-mazing is the word that you are looking for my friends. "Anyway, they've given us a number of viable candidates to replace ASBO, including Community Order Crime Stopper, which gives us COCS but is obviously a bit rushed; New Antisocial Discipline System, which neatly shortens to NADS, or my personal favourite; Behavioural Law Enforcement Directive - BeLEnD. Brilliant. Forgive me for laughing, it's just that those guys really crack me up. "I love DoGSHIT."
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