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Idiot proof |
Stinky Ponky regularly finds proof of idiocy and here we lay it bare for the world to scrutinize. If you think you have proof of idiots why not let us know?
There are plenty more morons in our archive. |
November 30th 2009 Crime is so complicated these days. Remember when you could clean out a celebrity bank account simply by sticking their photo into a stolen passport and using it as ID? Good times. Good times. What? You never tried that? No, of course you didn't - because it's a ridiculous thing to do. You'd have to be an absolute, desk-chewing, retarded idiot.
Cue the absolute, desk-chewing, retarded idiot...
... Because, you see, someone did try precisely this a few years ago with Ricky Gervais, although he's only recently spilled the beans. We've not been furnished with much detail on this one, but apparently the picture in question was of Gervais in character as David Brent in The Office and was simply cut from one of his DVD covers.
It takes a special kind of stupid to think that you may be successful with this ploy. You can't simply cut out a photo and stick it in a passport, you fools. You need to have the image blown up to cleverly make a Ricky Gervais mask for yourself as well.
Come on guys, think it through.
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GOLDIBEAR AND THE THREE IDIOTS November 3rd 2009 Once upon a time in the hills of Kashmir there lived a bear. The bear lived a happy and peaceful life, spending it's time hunting and fishing and enjoying the company of hot female bears with loose morals. But it didn't half get wazzed off to fuck when those pesky Kashmiri militants moved into it's cave and lit a fire in it's bedroom while it was out walking in the woods. Which is why it killed two and maimed a third, despite the fact they were all carrying Kalashnikov assault rifles. They were cooking pudding on the fire and the bear apparently caught them unawares. Now I don't know about you, but if I chose to shelter in a big cave in bear country that stank of bear I'd be pretty fucking aware, and the safety on my Kalashnikov would be off, because I'd be thinking 'I don't fancy being eaten by a FUCKING BEAR!' And they all lived happily ever after. Except for the dead ones. The End.
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October 21st 2009 What a shitty time to find God - right in the middle of an armed robbery. Honest to... well, God... it's just really shit timing. But hey - it's divine inspiration, right? Is it fuck. Nobody is moving mysteriously here. The guy in this video is called Gregory Smith (I might be tempted to do something illegal if I'd been christened Gregory) and he's definitely not cut out for a life of crime. He walks into the place with a gun to demand money, the girl who works there starts crying so he hugs her (wtf?) and she hugs him back (WTF?) and they talk about God and redemption (WHAT THE FLYING FUCKETY FUCK?). Well, I suppose that for whatever reason we should be thankful that he saw the error of his ways and repented. He didn't hurt her and he didn't rob... oh hang on, no... he still robbed her. Her mobile 'phone and $20 (£12). And then he walked out giving the camera a lovely view of his face. But then he saw the error of hsi ways and turned himself in afterwards of his own... no, wait a minute... his mum saw him on telly, that's why he turned himself in. It's all a bit embarrassing really, and he's not going to have much of a reputation as a bad ass when he gets to prison. Which is why he will be so popular in the showers.
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October 20th 2009 Fucking dead people these days. What are they thinking? Fancy having some tune that you liked when you were alive played at your funeral instead of wanky old hymns. You ignorant dead bastards. I'm with the Rev Ed Tomlinson on this one. He's written in his blog about how he's sick of all these secular arseholes kicking the bucket and then being "popped in the oven" to the tune of My Way or Simply the Best. On top of that we might have to listen to poems from people who loved the stiff back when he was a bit more active instead of traditional bible fiction. In a post on his blog entitled "death of death" (do you see what he did?) he writes about how he has to suffer all these godless bastards burning their dead in front of him, adding "I have then stood at the crem like a lemon, wondering why on earth I am present at the funeral of somebody led in by the tunes of Tina Turner..." Sorry vic, but I think you're being just a tiny bit completely fucking stupid here; you're not wanted anywhere matey, it's not just funerals. It's only tradition that keeps you in work. Perhaps you should keep your ecclesiastical trap shut because to be quite honest we'd all rather piss off to Barbados to get married anyway, so if you get out of the coffin market you might be a wee bit stuck for something to do. Here endeth the sermon, Reverend Lemon.
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October 15th 2009 I've found out why it's bad luck for the bride to see the groom on the night before the wedding. It's just in case he accidentally kills her to death. It can happen. I have proof, as always. On the night before his wedding John Tabbut was awoken by the sounds of movement in his Florida house. As he was American he quickly chose a revolver from his collection and went in to the hall. Confronting by a shadowy figure in the dark hallway he quite naturally shot at it, hoping to protect his Fiancee, Nancy Dinsmore, who he was due to marry in the morning, while she slept in their bed. The bed that he'd just got out of. The one that he thought she was in. But of course she wasn't in it. She was in the hallway being a shadowy target. Only in America.
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