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Idiot proof |
Stinky Ponky regularly finds proof of idiocy and here we lay it bare for the world to scrutinize. If you think you have proof of idiots why not let us know?
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ADVICE FOR the health conscious idiot June 29th 2009 Something extreme is about to happen with the weather we're told. We should expect temperatures to rise as high as 32c (90f) this week. With this in mind some genius (for genius read overpaid, pointless, oxygen wasting idiot) has taken the time to put together some sage advice on how to survive when the sun shines on Britain. If it wasn't for the weather in this country some people would never talk at all. Snow? Everything grinds to a halt. Rain? Everything grinds to a halt. Sun? Well, we're yet to see the effects, not having had to tackle this particular problem since 1975. So the Department of Health gives us the Heatwave Plan 2009 (yes, there was one last year which must have been an even bigger waste of time). It offers such gems as 'Keep out of the sun', 'Wear light clothing' and 'Avoid physical exertion.' Someone is paid lots of money for this. Look for them - they'll be easy to spot. They'll be walking into a bank somewhere with two huge bags of cash laughing so much that they may actually stop to vomit at some point. They also sagely advise us to 'have plenty of cool drinks', 'Use pale, reflective external paints' (yes, they're telling you to paint your house white which in my opinion is a bit fucking extreme) and my personal favourite - 'If possible, move into a cooler room.' Brilliant. Personally I'm pissed off. My plan to do 10 miles on an exercise bike in the conservatory this week while wearing a trenchoat and skiing trousers are completely fucked. Oh, and by the way, one last tip from the Department of Health; 'Be alert and call a doctor ... if someone is unwell.' |
ON THE TRAIL OF AN IDIOT June 25th 2009
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FACEBOOK FUCKWIT June 25th 2009
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THE WOMAN IN MY IPHONE IS AN IDIOT June 22nd 2009
...because the rest of the phone is great - sorry. |
CROCODILE DUNDEE June 22nd 2009 An Australian man flying along Dundee Beach near Darwin became so excited by the sight of a crocodile that he crashed his helicopter. He only suffered minor injuries but his passenger was badly hurt. So the pilot, being a complete idiot, buried him. Ok, so he was worried his passenger might get hypothermia while he went for help. He is still a world class idiot.
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BELGIAN GIRL FALLS ASLEEP WHILE BEING TATTOOED AND WAKES UP WITH 56 STARS ON HER FACE June 17th 2009
...because let's face it, she lying and if she isn't, why oh why didn't the tattoo artist stop? |
DUFFY IDIOCY June 17th 2009 Singing about Diet Coke while dressed in a bizarre outfit and riding a bike should be enough - but it's not Welsh songster Duffy who's up for the charge here. It's the idiots who complained to the Advertising Standards Authority that children may copy the bit where she rides through the supermarket and do someone an injury. Brilliant. If your kids are really this frigging stupid please raise the average IQ of the country by drowning them.
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Andrew Brown is, as they say in Scotland, really fucking stupid. He's just been sentenced to four months for stealing the collection money from a church in Blairgowrie. It wasn't difficult for the police to find him. they simply followed the trail of dropped coins straight to where he was sat in a local park counting the booty. Is there an opposite of Mensa? He should apply.
Personally, if I'd gone through the considerable discomfort of smuggling a mobile phone into prison by shoving it up my arse I'd be fairly keen on keeping it quiet so that it wasn't confiscated, but that's just me. Not Convicted robber Kane Barratt though. No, the first thing he did after he'd shat out his handset was update his Facebook status. Brilliant. Presumably he wrote something like Kane Barratt is regretting leaving his Nokia on vibrate.
I have joined the throng of sheep being led around by Steve Jobs' new liver and got an iPhone. If you're considering buying one beware - they contain a woman who is slightly worse than useless. She is called Voice Control which is handy because you can control her with your voice. In theory. What actually happens is that you ask her to do something - 'Call home' or 'Play Radiohead because I'm far too happy and need some industrial grade depression' and she doesn't do it - because she's an idiot. Instead she picks a random action and does that instead. Amusingly my friend, also an iSheep, asked the idiot woman in his phone to 'find porn' and she started to call his ex wife. This is true.
You fucking idiot.
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