WEST WINS TOTAL FUCKING TIT AWARD

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September 14th 2009


West has to wear special glasses as he suffers from Venetian blindness.
Kanye West has claimed the Total Fucking Tit Award at the 2009 MTV VMA's to add to a growing collection of trophies that proclaim him to be an impressively complete example of the mammary gland.
 
The rapper took to the stage during Taylor Swift's acceptance speech to rant at a booing crowd that Beyonce should have won the Best Female Video award. Teenager Swift, who was claiming her first ever award, was clearly at a loss for what to do and was later seen crying behind the scenes. Beyonce went on to distance herself from "that stinking little arse nugget" by inviting Swift to return to the stage to have her moment, saying "Ignore him. After all, he's a total fucking tit."
 
West last took a similar title in 2006 at the MTV Europe Music Awards when he spat his dummy for almost 12 metres before storming on stage to announce that his video for Touch The Sky was better than the video that won. He went on to say that it was "not fair" and that he would be "telling," before lying face down on the stage and kicking his feet while crying loudly.
 
The video for Touch The Sky starred West as 'Evel Kanyevel' attempting to fire himself over the Grand Canyon in a small rocket; a stunt which many people have encouraged him to try and recreate in real life. Others have suggested that the video would have definitely won hundreds of awards had it shown footage of West actually being fired into a cliff or the side of a building. "Perhaps," wrote one New York Times critic, "he could have shown himself successfully completing the jump only to get struck by a white-hot meteor in his massive, massive head. Or accidentally injected with rat poison. That would have been lovely."
 
Evel Knievel himself took exception to the obvious parody and sued West for copyright infringement saying "I don't want you associating yourself with The Knievel, you bollockless little shit-wizard. I have shat things more daring than you. You really are a total fucking tit."
 
West was not alone in making himself look stupid. Pink also made a fool of herself after the ceremony on Twitter when she referred to West as the "biggest piece of shit on earth" when according to the Guinness Book of Records that title is still held by John "Loo Seats" Prescott. Pink also conceded that West was indeed a "total fucking tit."
 
Other winners this year include Lady Gaga who took the Rumoured To Have Testicles Award, Green Day with the Biggest Sell Out Award and Eminem who was recognized with the Yes, We Know You're A White Rapper, Now Please Shut Up, Please Shut Up Award.
 
West's agent told Stinky Ponky that he was unavailable for comment as he was busy beating kittens with a big stick.

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Andy B

14 Sep 2009 17:35

Ha ha, what am muppet.

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