The show was broadcast to 25 million viewers during the prime time slot on NBC. Initially SuBo's appearance on stage seemed muted, but soon after the music started she lifted her head and unleashed the raw mediocrity of her voice upon a crowd that would have still loved her even if she'd started to pelt them with her own shit. SuBo warbled her way through a cover of the Rolling Stones song Wild Horses before returning to the track that she has now become famous for massacring, I Dreamed a Dream.

 

Stinky Ponky went stateside to talk to the American public about SuBo.

 

"She was totally awesome," said 19 year old Katy Klayzxckywyczkyzxkywyczski. "I've seen her on Youtube and she looks sooooo much better now that they've shaved her and separated her eyebrows. She talks kinda funny like she's French-Canadian or something but that's ok. It's probably the Scotch in her. I totally love Scotchland. I've seen Loch Ness like, a gazillion times. She shoulda kept her natural ginger hair though. Ginger's are kinda freaky looking, but it's her national heritage - ginger hair shows that she comes from Scotchland. She should be proud of that, just like McDonalds are."

 

"I'm a little confused," Zak Lee, a 43 year old Canine Lifestyle Coach told us. "I've never heard of her before but there's been so much talk I thought she would be amazing. She wasn't amazing. I may sue. And I ordered a drink at the bar before the show but the barmaid spilled it. She didn't look happy to serve me either so I'll probably sue her too. Hey! Are you gonna print this? I may sue."

 

"She ROCKS! SHE FUCKIN' ROCKS DUDE!" 28 year old Seattle McFinnegan told us. "If you do not believe that, I will FUCKING KILL YOU! SUUUUUBOOOOOO! I'm just kiddin' with ya man. I love you. But SHE FUCKIN' ROCKS!"

 

Stinky Ponky managed to get a brief word with freakmeister Simon Cowell before he left in his platinum Bentley. He told us "We have a busy schedule. Although we're keeping a close eye on her it's merely a matter of time before something snaps and she boards the express train back to loony town. Best make some cash while we can."

 

We asked Mr Cowell what he thought of tonight's performance. "Jesus, Mary and Joseph in a mark 1 Fiat Punto - you don't think I listen to her do you? I would rather clean my testicles with Domestos."