Last week Rupert Murdoch and his one-time side kick Rebekah Brooks were both confirmed as team captains. As the show progresses it will also feature a host of celebrities who, in true BBC tradition, will have the general public saying 'I remember him, he was on that program about money in the 1980's,' and 'Didn't he used to play for Milwall about fifteen years ago?' or even 'Who the fuck is that?'

The first show will see the welcome return to our screens of Howard from the Halifax adverts; the smallest, most annoying Chuckle Brother; Dennis Bergkamp's next door neighbour's Uncle's wife's hairdresser and Jason Donovan. The show will be transmitted live from the House of Commons in front of a partially live studio audience of MP's, despite concerns from sound technicians regarding the snoring.

It is also understood that there will be a weekly cameo appearance from John Prescott for a section of the quiz where he will walk across behind the contestants on his way to the toilet. This will happen randomly and could take place at any time. The audience will be asked to draw the attention of the contestants to Mr Prescott's arrival by yelling 'He's shitting!' at which point the first panellist to hit him in the head with an egg will receive bonus points.

The main part of the show will feature a series of searching questions about the legality of the contestant's day to day affairs. Points will be scored for wriggling out of any accusations of wrong doing in the most convincing manner, with the final winner being chosen by how much of a complete fucking bastard they look. Each team captain will have one 'I had absolutely no knowledge of this event' card to play allowing them to score double points for the entire round if they can keep a straight face.

Sources close to Rebekah say she has complained that Rupert Murdoch has an unfair advantage in this quiz, being an incredibly fine example of a fetid scumbag in the first place. Rebekah has since been reassured that she is very much in the running for the prestigious Massive Stinking Shitbag of the Year Award 2011, despite stiff competition from the financial sector, which stands her in good stead for A Question of Hacking. 

Stinky Ponky spoke with Brooks' ex-husband Ross Kemp, best known for being the less chubby bald twat in Eastenders. He confirmed that Rebekah is on solid ground in the complete bastard stakes. Mr Kemp refused to utter the name of the beast however, describing his ex-wife simply as "That ginger piss-witch." Stinky Ponky jokingly told Mr Kemp that Brooks was right behind him, at which point he literally shat himself.

A Question of Hacking starts today on BBC1, and will probably be on every half an hour on Dave for the rest of your fucking life.