"When we're on set filming that wizard shite I'm always looking at Emma's tits," Daniel told us, when we met him in Soho, adding "But not in a pervy way. I'm always saying to her 'those are really nice tits you have Emma.' And that doesn't make me sexist either - I always have a damn good look at Rupert's ginger fun stick when we're showering together. But then I have to do that really or I wouldn't be able to clean it properly.

"But by crikey, there's nothing like a pair of big, juicy tits, is there? I love them. I was only telling Rupert in bed the other night just how much I love tits. So all this talk of me being gay is just silly. It's silly really, don't you think it's silly? I do. I mean it's great, because I love the holy baby jesus out of gays and the other ones, the titted gays, but it's silly to say I'm one, because I'm not. And neither is Rupert. I mean, yes, so I decided to support some gay groups, but that's because of my never ending, purely platonic love for gay men. And women.

"I mean, get this; I accidentally found a quote about me on the internet when I was looking for quotes about me on the internet from this one guy who said I must be gay because I have a gay face. I mean, wow, that's awesome and everything, as I love gays in a completely non-sexual manner, but like I said to Rupert later on in the sauna, being perfectly straight I have a straight face and anyone who says otherwise is retardedly silly and deserves burning. He would have agreed if he didn't have his mouthful at the time. He seemed to be nodding though.

"So gays are fantastic and everything, but what about those tits, eh? They're... umm... all lovely, with..er.. nipples on the front, like mens nipples but all bloated and without an oily, rippling, well toned six pack underneath. Rupert likes tits too. He turned down The Village People yesterday while we were rehearsing a scene where he rides on my broomstick and he said to me 'Darling, I love tits.' Honestly, he did. Out of the blue because tits are what we like.

"And then we had anal sex."