June 1st 2009

The incredibly popular and well loved Jeremy Paxman has stunned his adoring British public by calling them all “barbarians.”

Mr Paxman has suggested that the British public are far too busy working to appreciate art and commented that “watching TV is the most popular leisure activity in Britain. I find that very depressing." Mr Paxman, presenter of TV’s ‘Universally Challenged,’ TV’s ‘Newsnight’ and his own program – recently screened on TV and watched by literally tens of people – ‘Paxman Patronises Art’ made his comments after a talk that he gave on Victorian art which actually had people in attendance.

We asked the barbarian hordes picking their arses in their huts built of horseshit what they thought of Mr Paxman’s comments.

“Jeremy has spoken, I have destroyed my TV.” Audrey Tou, a floral sales assistant, told us. “I realise that he sometimes seems a tad arrogant but you have to make allowances for people when they are roughly 40 times better than the rest of humanity combined. We’re just lucky, as a species, to have him. I must go as I need to find Victorian art quite urgently.”

Others however were not so understanding and reacted angrily.

“I’m glad he can afford to tart his way round galleries while the rest of us are inconsiderately working” said Joe King from Bradford. “Doesn’t he employ live-in Romanian house staff without a contract at less than the minimum wage exploiting not only them but a loophole in the law?” he told Stinky Ponky, adding; “Yes, I think he fucking does.”

“What a world champion wanker.” Tommy Snuffleshoes, an accountant from Wales told us; “I dearly hope that Mr Paxman slides down a long, slippery slope of shit into a big pile of more shit getting quite a lot of shit up his nose and in his mouth in the process. I’ll cut down on my TV consumption by not watching any more vomit inducing dog’s toss presented by him. Paxman telling us about Victorian art? I’d rather smear my testes with jam and teabag an angry badger.”