"We should have seen it coming really," said one of Winehouse's minders, Dave Watt. "Amy was a bit tired before the show, but she popped to the loo before it started and came back looking much perkier. Must have splashed her face with water or something.

 

"Amy seems to have an allergic reaction to toilets that causes all sorts of odd side effects, like anger, rage and anger. Paranoia is also one of them. I felt a bit sorry for the guy who shouted 'he's behind you' because he didn't know any better, and was talking to the whole audience, not just her. Anyway, she freaked out again."

 

Onlookers report that Winehouse exploded from her seat in a cloud of white powder, leapt on stage and floored one of the ugly sisters with an uppercut from her left breast before screaming at the other sister "THERE'S ANOTHER TIT HERE WITH YOUR NAME ON IT, BITCH" Winehouse then set about several other cast members with her chest, screaming obscenities, and caused three people to be hospitalized with severe nipple wounds.

 

When police arrived they arrested Winehouse and both ugly sisters. The sisters were quickly released after Winehouse was identified. A police spokesman later told Stinky Ponky "Officers struggled to identify her from the Floor Manager's description, and so they took everyone from the stage who was 'as ugly as fuck with huge fake tits' just to be on the safe side.

 

"Most of the station have commented on her tits since we brought her in. They are pretty damn spectacular tits to be honest, but that thought makes you slightly queasy, because at the end of the day they're attached to Amy Winehouse.

 

"It's rather like housing the Mona Lisa in a sewage works. While you can appreciate the magnificent beauty of Da Vinci's masterpiece, you can't help but notice that it's surrounded by shit."