Concert going Oasis fans were refunded their ticket price yesterday after the band finally got so fucking sick of their own songs that they felt embarrassed about it.

The move came when lead singer Liam Gallagher, long suspected to be the missing link, stopped ‘singing’ halfway through Champagne Supernova and wandered off stage to watch Big Brother. Over the cheering Noel could be heard saying “I don’t fucking blame you our kid. I can’t even watch The Royle Family anymore because the theme tune is utter pissflaps.”

Beatles wish-a-likes Oasis, frequently piss stained, were formed in 1991 and have been crap ever since. After the most arse clinchingly embarrassing stand off with Blur in the late 90’s - after which the shamefaced, out-of-focus popsters split up - Oasis have striven to dominate tiny minds around the world with the same three chords. We spoke to Professor James T. Kirk who lectures on the banjo at the Skopje Conservatoire in the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia. “It’s not very well known that the origins of the band are based around tea,” he told us. “Oasis was essentially a manufactured boy band with a major difference. When the PG tips adverts were banned in the late 80’s the chimpanzees were out of work. A Manchester based record producer had a moment of inspiration and the rest, as they say, is history.”

Most fans will receive a full refund of the £45 ticket price. Those who were unable to find earplugs in time will receive £52.78 and two vouchers for private counselling sessions. It’s unknown at this time if Oasis will continue although many fans worldwide will be deeply saddened if they do.