The Malawi government has released a statement saying that they will no longer be moving the remainder of the population to Madonna’s house.

Malawi were due to move early next week following the pop star’s adoption of the country’s only remaining child. Stinky Ponky spoke to President Bingu wa Mutharika about his reasons for cancellation. He told us; “We had thought that we would be better of with Madonna as she has more money than Malawi. Late last night however, after eight weeks, the download of her latest single was completed on Malawi’s computer. It was awful. As a child I heard the sound made by an unwary zebra that was caught and raped by a sex crazed Hippo. It did not sound as bad as this. Late at night I hear the animals killing each other in the darkness. It does not sound as bad as this. We could not live with these noises. My heart goes out to our children. I pray for their sakes that they will soon be deaf.”

The cancellation is a double blow for Madonna as it comes hot on the heels of a damning scientific study of her fans. It has been revealed after rigorous testing that 98% of her followers have really bad taste in music while the other two per cent are serial killers. The study shows that Holiday is the most likely accompaniment to grisly death at the hands of a cold eyed, crazed maniac.

Back in Malawi the president told us; “I’m a bit pissed off to be honest. I’ve packed all of my stuff and I’d already arranged to lock up and leave a set of keys with Mozambique. But her music is like sex with a giraffe. Absolutely fucking awful.”