The announcement follows years of careful research by researchers and Lead Researcher Dave Watt who lead the research on the research told Stinky Ponky "No, really, he's a huge shaft of spacky looking man-meat. I don't think there's ever been a cock as large as this one, not even mine, which is a beast. Ladies.

"The breakthrough came last night during the Brit awards when the British Institute for Deaf Retards voted What's The Story Scummy Manc Wankstain to be The Best Album What Was Ever Recorded... EVER. Up until Liam took the stage he'd been thought of as a Great Big Tit, but his performance finally convinced us that he was much more than a Great Big Tit, as Great Big Tits tend to be quite nice. I definitely like them. I saw some once, and not on the internet. I've seen lots on the internet.

"Anyway, Liam clearly demonstrated that he was a prick of previously unrecorded proportions. A gigantic, meaty, shag-shaft. That's why his hair always look like a helmet. It is a helmet. It probably has cheese underneath. Mine doesn't, because I keep it clean, although it takes a lot of cleaning due to the size. Ladies."

After the awards ceremony Liam demonstrated his general knobishness further by declaring he was going to go and take loads of class 'A' drugs, causing over 4000 viewers to ring in and offer to pay for enough coke to kill an elephant, as long as he promised to take it all at once. According to reports, Liam actually went home and watch his Sky+ recording of the Manchester United game over a big mug of Bovril before going to bed early for a bit of shut-eyes.

Liam's brother Noel leapt to his brothers defense, saying "Liam is by no means the biggest cock in the world, that's simply unfair.

"Blue whales have massive fuck-sticks. Then it's Liam."