Jones entered the house last night to the cheers of the terrified crowd, one of whom squealed in pain as the sportsman turned Hollywood star grabbed his testicles and twisted them while shouting "CHEER!" into his face. As Davina welcomed Vinnie to the Big Brother house he was heard to say "If I don't win this thing I will punch you in the tits, you stupid cow."

 

Joining the ex Wimbledon footballer in the Big Brother freak factory are Howard from the Halifax adverts, Richard and Judy, Pope German Bloke XVI, Gollum, Bill Clinton, Champion the Wonder Horse, Chico, Wallace and Gromit, Margaret Thatcher and the Scottish ski resort of Aviemore amongst others. The Chuckle Brothers have apparently left the house after an hilarious episode last night when Jones repeatedly flushed their heads in the toilet while shouting "TO ME, TO YOU, TO ME, TO FUCKING YOU, YOU FUCKING MUPPETS."

 

Big Brother spokesman Dave Watt told Stinky Ponky "Vinnie is in many ways the ideal housemate. He has attitude and personality and will rock the house to it's foundations with his unprovoked spontaneous outbursts of extreme violence. At the same time he has a soft, caring side. Who knows what might happen with such a combination?

 

"Personally I'm looking forward to him talking about his personal troubles with Pope German Bloke XVI and perhaps shedding a tear or two before slamming the Pontiff's face into the kitchen counter. And perhaps he'll laugh with Chico about his X-Factor performances before grabbing him by the balls and throwing him through the plate glass patio doors.