Mr Michael, who pulled out of the World Chocolate Throwing Championships earlier this year after being accidentally struck by a careless Wispa, told Stinky Ponky "John Elton's a funny old bugger isn't he? And he wants me to ask him for help. I'm sure he'd like nothing more than to have me banging away at his back door at three in the morning, begging for it. Isn't green nice? Have you noticed that? Just very relaxing. I think I'll have a donut. I wonder who invented wallpaper? My mouth is really dry."

 

A spokesman for Mr John said "Elton and David are increasingly concerned about George, who spent the whole of September declaring that he was invisible. They want him to come and stay with them at Elton's London pad where the three of them can simply relax and talk about whatever comes up. George is convinced that they have some kind of evil intentions, but then he's also convinced that cancer can be cured using origami and often spends hours turning a piece of coloured paper over and over saying 'wow.'

 

"All that Elton and David want however is for Geroge to be safe, happy and occasionally in touch with planet Earth."

 

When we passed these sentiments on to Michael George he said "That's lovely - until you realise that David is from Mars and is actually made up of 32 little aliens in a man suit. No. I think it would just be better if the pair of them were to sod off. Isn't that a big cat? I love the word cat. It sounds so clear during the winter. Cat. Cat. Cat. Cat. Cat. Cat. Cat. Cat. Cat. Cat. Cat. Cat.

 

"I wonder if badgers think in black and white?"