This Poll follows a study released by Professor Dave Watt from the College of U2 and Other Wank at the University of Skopje in the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia, Wales, entitled Coldplay Are Made Entirely of Shit. Stinky Ponky spoke to Professor Watt at his home in Buckingham Palace earlier next week. He told us "This study is the result of many days of study that I spent studying all aspects of Coldplay with a variety of study techniques. We started with our own poll and discovered that Coldplay is the music that most people would prefer to be put down to.

"In addition to that we used some old research techniques from the 60's and discovered that if you play Coldplay backwards, they are just as shit and depressing. In direct contrast we found that most of their music is actually an amazing anti-depressant. In a controlled exercise with GP's in South Glamorgan we discovered that many of their really cheesed off patients felt a cheery glow in their hearts when we told them that they simply didn't have to listen to Coldplay. I haven't seen people that happy since Dire Straits stopped.

"A lot of this seems to stem from Coldplay lead singer Chris Martin, mainly since no one has a clue who the rest of Coldplay are, or even if they really exist. Chris however has managed to put himself firmly in the public eye by becoming the dictionary definition of 'Wank Splash.' He even had to go to America to find a wife with the same capacity for mindless bullshit as he has. They named some of their children after fruit.

"Dear fucking God on a giant chicken, don't be Bob Geldof, there's just no need."