In a room full of beautiful people dying for a sandwich and Michael McIntyre Miss Campbell was presented with the award by Sarah Brown, who was dressed in Armani riot gear. Sarah spoke highly of Miss Campbell's contribution to disabled people, explaining how she had created 7 disabled people in 1999 alone with the business end of a Nokia 3210. When receiving her award Miss Campbell graciously thanked her family and friends, her long suffering ex manager, who is still in a coma, and Research In Motion who are the company responsible for creating a lot of large, heavy, BlackBerry phones in recent years. She then flipped out as her Evian was slightly too cold and frisbee'd an iPhone into a security guard's head, knocking him unconscious.

During her acceptance speech Miss Campbell told the gaunt, starving audience and Michael McIntyre "I couldn't have done this without the help of a host of assistants over the years, many of whom still have their basic motor neuron functions, despite the brain damage. A big shout must go out to my ex housekeeper Juanita, because she is now deaf in her left ear where the Motorola hit her and she won't hear if you don't shout. I hope you can also show some recognition to my ex PA Sandra because she's starting to look vaguely familiar after the reconstructive surgery.

"But most of all, my thanks go out to every single one of my fans, and to all of those little people who actually read my book on swans. I love you for that, and I'd dearly love to talk with some of you so that you can give me some idea of what it was about.

"I could talk about me for hours but I have to go and launch my new perfume Airport Fracas so I will have to leave this CD of me talking about me for hours for you to play over the tannoy system. You can also buy a copy from my website, www.me-me-me-me-me.com. Who let that little fat chinese-looking man in here?"