According to celebrity web sites Britney's dad, who also has the surname Spears, told the alleged singer "It's bad enough that I get an eye full of your hooters every morning when I accidentally walk in on you in the shower, so I don't want to see the damn things in the strip club that I keep going into by mistake when I'm on my way to church. Y'all." Meanwhile in Britain one Sun reporter, Gary Onn, orgasmed to death on hearing the news at the simple thought of the amount of 'Oops, I did it again' jokes he would be able to fit into one article. Relatives and close friends of Gary have expressed their deep relief at his death.

Britney's tits first leapt to fame in 1998 when they appeared in a school girl outfit for Britney's first single '...Baby One More Time' in which Britney herself also took a cameo role. Since then her tits have been seen pretty much everywhere and their career has been very closely recorded by a number of people whose job title of Photographic Journalist stops them being called 'perverts.' These perverts have, on occasion, also managed to get rare pictures of Britney's tits on nights out accompanied by her snatch.

For a brief period fellow shit-peddler Justin Timberlake joined with the tits for a number of lucrative photo shoots, but unfortunately their relationship broke down because of the tits' attachment to what Timberlake later referred to as "that stupid cum-recepticle of a red-necked fuck-tard." Timberlake maintains the break up was amicable, claiming that he still has a great deal of fondness for Spear's "special kind of crazy," and unfortunately he continues to make records, despite many thousands of people begging him not to, on their knees.

In 2007 Britney's head, jealous of her tits' popularity, completely changed it's image by shaving. Although the head denied it, many believed that it was attempting to alter it's appearance in order to more closely resemble one of Britney's tits. Eventually, perhaps under increasing scrutiny from the media, or perhaps due to it's complete lack of a nipple, the head grew back it's hair and returned to a more traditional role.

Stinky Ponky spoke with Britney's brother Dave, who is coincidentally her father's son, Dave. He told us "I reckon Daddy's been quoted all wrong by folks. I'm sure he doesn't mind Britney's tits at all. I don't mind them, and neither does Uncle Bob, or our Cousins Randy and Tyler, or any of the boys down at Porky's club. Hell, her tits are pretty much a family hair loom, 'cos they look and feel just like Momma's do, and like Grandma's used to when I was 6.

"All warm against my lil' soldier."