May 24th 2009

After being separated from overnight sensation Susan Boyle during her celebrity makeover her eyebrows have announced a solo career.

In an exclusive post press conference interview the eyebrows told Stinky Ponky "It's a very exciting time for us. We've been thrust suddenly into the public eye which is daunting but a great deal of fun."

When asked about the recent suggestions that the separation from Susan Boyle had not been an entirely mutual decision the eyebrows told us "No, not at all. We can understand why people would say such things but honestly, would you want to be attached to that face?" They laugh before continuing, "No, that's not fair, we're joking of course. We've been together 47 years and we'll always be friends but we just felt that with recent events the time had come to go our separate ways. She's in the limelight now. Come to think of it she must be half blind now we're not there!"

Susan Boyle, who once played right back for Partick Thistle, will be in the semi finals of the dubiously named Britain's Got Talent in coming weeks. We asked her ex-eyebrows what their plans for the future are.

"There are so many irons in the fire right now that we don't know where to start." the eyebrows told us. "It's common knowledge that we'll be appearing in the hit musical 'The Producers' in the West End next month; we'll be taking it in turns to play Hitler's moustahce. We're in discussions with the BBC regarding an upcoming docu-drama they're doing about the Thatcher administration where we've been asked to help John Sargeant get into character as Dennis Healy. Beyond that we can't say much as we're still in negotiations. Suffice to say that there's been Hollywood interest - this time next year we may be stunt eyebrows."

"I think the most bizarre connection we've had was with a film company who are re-making Basic Instinct. I'm sure you can guess the role we were offered. We turned it down in the end; in all honesty we've spent as much time as we can stomach stuck to... well."