The pedigree pooch, Mr Numpty, is usually placid according to his owner Dave Watt, who told Stinky Ponky "I've never seen him so much as bare his teeth before now, and he was perfectly fine with Dec. In fact we lost him for about an hour and found him quietly humping Dec under a table while the terrified little Geordie cheeky-chappie midget tried to escape. It was a different story when Ant moved towards him across the stage. The dog took one look at his massive, massive head and went completely mental.

"Before you could say 'I wish a small, enraged terrier would maul Ant McPartlin's testicles' there was a small, enraged terrier mauling Ant McPartlin's testicles. I've never actually seen a vicious, angry, jet-propelled guinea pig fly across a stage and attach itself to someone's genitals before - although my Great Uncle Roger says he once did when he was in the Merchant Navy in Ceylon - but I'd imagine it would look very much like Mr Numpty when he clamped his fangs around Ant's purple love soldier. It was something to behold, let me tell you."