Critics of the coalition government who are often referred to as 'Labour,' have said that so many u-turns have taken place in such a short time that the government is basically not only on the road to nowhere but is now going round and round a traffic island which is making the whole of Britain as dizzy as fuck. Labour MP for South-south-east North Weston Dave Watt said "Under Labour the government was heading north on the road to success, a bit like the M1 but not really as that would suggest Leeds is success and that's not what I meant.

"It now seems that the new government has been getting off at Sheffield and turning around before doing the same at Mansfield and then repeating the process. That was how it started, but lately they just keep going round and round the island at Junction 29, which I'm pretty sure is Chesterfield, which is fucking ridiculous; no one wants to be in Chesterfield. This constant changing of minds clearly indicates trouble within the new government"

Stinky Ponky asked the Tory leader and his Lib-Dem deputy if rumours of tension between the two parties were true. The PM told us "Not at all. The coalition government is working perfectly, me and the Cleggster hang out all the time and play x-box, watch porn and wank off," leading the Deputy PM to say "No, we don't wank and we don't watch porn. Ignore that bit." Mr Cameron replied by saying that "I didn't mean we wank each other Nick me old sausage! Just that we wank at the same time, although I retract the porn statement."

The Lib-Dem leader told us "I would like to categorically state that Mr Cameron is a donkey's tinkle, and comments of any sort regarding masturbation, mutual or otherwise, should be disregarded." Mr Cameron added "Well whatever, dude. I'm proud to say that I wank. I'm down with the kids so I wanked over the Brits the other night like James Corden told me to." Mr Clegg said in response "Corden was talking about Rhianna. You wanked when Bieber was on." 

Stinky Ponky asked if the wanking conversation indicated that the government was doing u-turns on it's no u-turns policy. Mr Clegg told us "We don't have a no u-turns policy. We changed our minds and axed the no u-turns policy." The Prime Minister said at that point "We don't have a no u-turns policy? I thought we did a u-turn on axing the no u-turns policy?

"Well I'm absolutely fucked if I know what's going on then."